its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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