There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
