Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
