my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
