yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
