Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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