Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
