I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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