u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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