just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
