I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
