Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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