im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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