Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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