margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
