New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
