She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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