nutella sex= disaster
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
