We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
