never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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