when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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