the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont even know how to be here
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
