Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
