I should be sponsored by Trojan
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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