Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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