ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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