I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
