Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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