I like to think it a success when the cops are called
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
