Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
