you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
