Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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