I just saw a hot homeless man
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Someone came in the potted fern
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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