Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
