just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
