either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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