Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
