Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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