why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
