Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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