It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
