And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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