Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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