Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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