New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
