Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
