I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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