Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Operation Purity has been aborted
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
