I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
