dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
