dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
